The mail dilemma

Posted on Sunday, April 20, 2014 by Rebecca

I’ve been on somewhat of an organizing binge lately, mostly as a byproduct of my decorating binge. As part of my quest to create order out of the chaos that too often envelopes (haha, a pun!) my life, I’ve been tackling some of my sources of frustration. One of them is what to do with mail that needs to be passed on to our kids who are out of the nest but still local and dropping by. I needed a safe, non-cluttery place to put their mail until the next visit.

My solution was simple. I ordered an inexpensive mail organizer from Amazon that fits with our new decor, and we mounted it to the wall by the front door. I found some black clothespins and lettered them in white. The “adopted kids” part is my bit of humor about two young men, friends of our sons, who stayed with us for awhile.

I like how the organizer looks against the newly painted wall. An easy, decorative fix!

Slammed against the Rock

Posted on Friday, April 4, 2014 by Rebecca

This morning, I was reading a blog post that hit me in a deep, profound way. It contained a Charles Spurgeon quote, an upsetting quote, really, and I’m not sure what to make of it.

So off I went to find the context of the quote. Instead, I found it worded slightly differently here and there, but couldn’t find out when or where Spurgeon stated this.

Did Spurgeon really say this?

Of course, whether or not Spurgeon said this isn’t the real point. The thing is that there have been waves in my life that I have HATED and that I’m hardly ready to kiss or embrace. Some have felt like destructive tsunamis.

But they have slammed me into the Rock of Ages, into the God Who is always there…and He has proven to be as gentle as He is strong, eternal, and unchanging. He has always rescued me from drowning, snatched me out of the raging sea, dried me off, and cleaned me up.

Maybe whether or not I ever learn to kiss the waves that throw me against the Rock of Ages is not the point either. Maybe my focus needs to be less on the waves, and more on the Rock.

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An addendum:

I don’t think God sends tsunamis into our lives. I also don’t think He sends evil our way in order that we would be tossed or slammed or thrown to Him. But I do think He redeems the waves by rescuing us. God triumphs over evil.

Bottom line: I will never “kiss” the abuse perpetrated against me by evil doers. I will never view my rape in that sort of positive light. But I will embrace the God who brought me through that terrible darkness.

Almost Easter

Posted on Thursday, April 3, 2014 by Rebecca

Was it a “God thing” that I came across this? It’s one of the most powerful, honest things I’ve read in a long time.

Trying to get organized

Posted on Thursday, April 3, 2014 by Rebecca

It’s been a lifelong quest. Recently I’ve been making some headway, taking on one small project at a time. Funny thing, though — Project A suddenly necessitated Project B, which necessitated several more, etc. It seems one can’t re-arrange living room furniture without eventually having to re-organize the spice cupboard. Funny how that works.

What is your latest organizing project?

Coming out as a survivor

Posted on Tuesday, April 1, 2014 by Rebecca

We all have stories. My favorite stories, the ones that yank at my heart and inspire me, are stories of redemption and reconciliation. Maybe that’s why I like the Bible so much. Come to think of it, I have that backwards — the reason that I like redemption stories so much is because of the Bible, and because of how I’ve experienced its truths in my own life. As I wrote a while back:

But I have to believe in the grand theme of Scripture: that the very One I rebelled against is a God of reconciliation and redemption. I believe it brings Him glory when He accomplishes those things in our lives. It is what Satan rages against in a battle he can never win. God snatches us out of the pit, washes us clean, tends our wounds, clothes us, and adopts us as sons and daughters. Those of us who are prone to wander He welcomes back home with celebration. He doesn’t just redeem us — He demonstrates His redemption power over and over again in our lives, giving us beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness… He takes the most horrible, vile and ugly things that Satan used for evil in our lives, and He unbelievably, amazingly does the impossible by somehow using those things for good. It’s what He does. It’s Who He is.

Redemption stories are powerful, but they aren’t pretty. In fact, the most powerful ones are messy, very messy. It’s something I didn’t understand the first time I set out to read the Bible from cover to cover, at the tender age of 10. With the exception of Joseph, the Old Testament “Heroes of the Faith” were a deep disappointment when I encountered their unsanitized stories. I couldn’t comprehend why some of the Psalms were in the Bible. I was aghast that a prostitute was not only an ancestor of Jesus, but was mentioned by name in His genealogy! The Bible is quite a shocking book.

That’s because redemption is shocking, and grace is scandalous. Redemption stories are meaningless unless we tell what has been redeemed and what we have been redeemed from. Otherwise, why would we need a Redeemer? And, if we have no wounds, why would we need a Healer?

I don’t think any of us can escape being wounded in some way or another. But some of us have wounds that go deeper than others…wounds that leave us shattered and broken. Some of those wounds are inflicted by others while some are self-inflicted, often in response to what others have done to us. We live in a fallen world, surrounded by evil. Some of us have experienced that evil in traumatic ways.

If this blog is to contain my redemption story, there are things I can’t leave out. Otherwise, my story will make no sense.

By the grace of God, I am a survivor.

Many of us have survived things: disease, heartache, poverty, divorce, loss of a loved one, death of our ambitions and dreams…but none of those things inspired me to get the shirt that not too many people have ever seen me wear.

I am a sexual trauma survivor. There are different forms of sexual trauma, and varying degrees of severity. All of it, I believe, is violating, and damaging to the soul in a way that is unique from nonsexual trauma.

Although I have been planning this blog post for months, right now the words are failing me. Actually, that’s not exactly true. I am shrinking back in fear from writing a particular word, from having my name forever linked with it on the Internet for all to see. The world is not always kind to those of us who go public with such a disclosure. Actually, that last sentence ranks up there with some of the greatest understatements I’ve ever made.

So I’m second-guessing myself. Why on earth would I write about this, admit such a thing publicly? After all, eventually readers will find their way to this blog, or follow links I’ve posted to it…why shouldn’t I stick to posting nice, uplifting, safe, G-rated stuff like inspirational quotes, feel-good Bible verses, and pictures of kitties?

Because that’s not my redemption story.

For those of you who wonder why on earth I’m posting any of this, here are two important reasons:

It’s my way of shouting from the rooftop one of the most powerful truths that I know, and that’s that God can redeem anything!
If telling my redemption story will help or encourage even just one other survivor, that will more than make up for anyone whose knickers get all in a twist over what I’m about to write.

Enough preamble.

Significant parts of what I will write in this blog will not make sense without knowing the following about me:

At 23 years of age, I was raped by two of my neighbors. It was evil, so evil that it almost destroyed me. By the grace of God, I have not only survived, but continue to experience His healing and redemption in deeper and sweeter ways.

So this is it. I am coming out publicly as a rape survivor. It feels scary in a way…but also good. Very good. I am finally free to write the things that truly matter to me.

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Note: Don’t worry or be scared off. This will not turn into a “rape blog”, nor will every post be heavy or serious. There is far more to my life than that.Anyone who enjoyed my previous blog (Random Musings) can expect to find much here that will be familiar.